May
20
There was this toilet that made a whole bunch of cash in vegas
He could beat them because he had this cistern.
garbage jokes
“To call oneself a true pun lover you must make puns all day, every day. To go an hour without puns makes one feel unsettled, to go a day makes hands lose their grip, and to go seven days makes one weak”
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Joel and Andy
Sumbit your own jokes here.
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Apr
22
See the first ten snakes cost five dollars each, but after that each subsequent snakes costs 2% less, it’s what’s called an economy of scales. I don’t know why I bought so many though.
Apr
21
I challenged a giant squid to see who could fit more inside their mouth and he really had me beak.
Mar
22
Ugh why is no one at my party? I should not have written that rant on facebook last night. Twelve people defriended me! I got an official warning from work! Even Dave messaged me to say he didn’t want to come tonight because he thought I was ‘better than that’. My parties are always the worst! Ugh why did I write that last night? I’m also doing this, this self-crabotage.
I walked into a pub one night. There was a guy asking for a drink and he’s all ‘One screwdriver please.’ The bartender replied (and I quote directly) “Ahoy mateys! Pirate Queen of Swords and Thrones sets sail upon the waters!”
The guy was all What the fuck, bartender? And the bartender replied “Dude, this is a Roseanne Barr”
@TheRealRoseanne
Mar
18
What vegetable can fit the most animals inside?
A Zoo-chini
Mar
16
My friend was watching a show that he was enjoying a lot and was recommending it to me.
“Have you seen it? The one where Matt LeBlanc plays Matt LeBlanc.”
“Ohh yeah, Episodes. I saw the first one and didn’t like it, so I guess for me it was more like Episode.”
(P.S. I’m not sure if this is a garbagejoke or just a garbage joke).
WHOA I DON’T KNOW EITHER TOM BUT THANKS FOR THE SUBMISSION
Mar
11
Saturday night I went out and got a lamb yiros (or kebab). As I was eating it I saw, in my mind, the lamb being born, the face of its mother, its first steps, it growing older. Then I saw it being put onto a truck, and then I saw it get killed, and butchered. Then I saw the lamb looking at me eating my yiros and I felt so bad and sad. I yelled out to the yiros shop owner “Hey man why is this yiros giving me so many feelings?” and he said “I wrapped it in pity bread.”
Mar
10
“Dear garbagejokes,
We at Tumblr have teamed up with “The Cheesecake Factory” to bring together a Giveaway in which we will be handing out Free $200 Cheesecake Factory Giftcards to EACH and EVERY Tumblr user as part of this promotion!
We are honored to be a part of this community and the least we can do is reward our members by giving them a free gift from us.
In order to receive your Free $200 Giftcard, please go to the link below:
http://bit.ly/xeF4KC
We sincerely hope you enjoy and please reblog and post this to your dashboard so that more users will be notified of this giveaway.
We look forward to doing more promotional giveaways in the future and will continue to strive ourselves to please every Tumblr user out there!
By the way, if you’d like to receive an extra Cheesecake Factory giftcard for a friend or family member, then just send us an e-mail to giveaway@tumblr.com
Enjoy,
Tumblr Staff”
Dude, if this was a real then why didn’t I get this in my gamera ask box OR in the ask box of my other tumblr where I post pictures of my dick with little hats on. Yesterday I put a little sombrero on it and called it ‘the whole enchilada’.
Mar
4
The band radiohead participated in a survey which ranked people’s opinions on their drive to work, whether they were enthusiastic commuters or loathful commuters. The bands response was that they were ok commuters.
Feb
26
Vice-Elder Corn:So we agree with the field elder that we should begin flowering next week?
All Corns: “Yes”
Vice-Elder Corn: We have a cornsensus.
Feb
20
A man enters the spooky factory to talk to the guy. With him are six people in chains, slumped over. He speaks to the owner of a factory. (its really scary right now)
“So you are the man who can turn men into the finest paints? Paints that will allow me to paint the greatest art known to man, and with that earn fame forever?”
“I can. With these people you bring me I can produce for you four paint colours and a varnish so shiny it will reflect the entire output of the sun.”
FIVE days later the man returns with his painting made from the paint.
“Sir, this painting I made, its amazing. But the varnish I that you made me, it does not work. It is dull, it has no shine. Who did you use to make this, so I may know whose life I wasted.”
“I’m sorry, this varnish is Matt.”
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